Dilemma
My writer's block has been essentially immobile for the past few months. It's not that I couldn't break it if I tried, it's just that I really haven't tried. The volunteer project is so much easier to work on that the temptation is to work on that instead. Unfortunately, the volunteer project doesn't pay any money. So, to ease the drain on my bank account, I go back to Army for additional hours. The additional hours that I spend with Army further reduce the number of hours that I spend on writing. Cue vicious cycle.
I should have known that this was coming. When working full-time, I was putting in a minimum of 60 hours per week, and in some cases 80 hours per week. Subtract a full time job that takes 40 hours per week, and you're left with... 40 hours of work, without increasing the hours I'm putting on the volunteer project or Army. Seems like starting with a full work week as my base state and piling more work on top is a good way to get myself back where I started.
I love my job with the volunteer project. I mean, capital L, full-on LOVE. I would be happy doing this work - or some variation thereof - for the rest of my life. I love the freedom, the challenges, the need for creativity, the sense of accomplishment... pretty much everything about it. This job makes me happy. Except...
Except that not only are people not exactly lining up to pay me for this job, but I question whether taking a paycheque wouldn't actually change the nature of what I'm doing. I mean, part of my credibility comes from saying, "I am not taking a salary to do this work." One of the reasons that we're an efficient organization is because no one in Canada is taking a salary. Considering we're still struggling to cover costs, I don't think I'll be taking one any time soon.
This all seems ridiculous now. It's like I said to myself, "I know, it's just too easy to become a published author. Why don't I try to manage an international charity at the same time?" Brilliant.
Don't get me wrong. I don't feel as though I've made a mistake by doing this. I do feel as though I'm on the right path. But, I'm also seriously concerned that I'll get to the end of this year without having a way to earn a living, and have to choose between giving up the charity and going back to work, or leaving my job permanently and being unable to pay the bills.
Well, at least I'll have The Fear to keep me motivated.
Labels: money, procrastination, The Fear, work, writing
posted by Ryan @ 8:23 p.m.
8 comments
8 Comments:
Psychobabble to explain getting paid for volunteering:
http://www.answers.com/topic/overjustification-hypothesis?cat=health
So, my options are:
1.) To overcome my tendency for overjustification by accepting that it's all right to get paid for what I do, and to reject any subsequent loss of interest in my work as the results of said overjustification.
2.) To just run with this whole overjustification thing, not try to seek compensation for my current job, and bask in the happy glow of working for free, while trying to make ends meet through writing and Army.
Anyone with an option 3?
3) Take the money, run off to Ecuador, and become a minor local kingpin, dabbling in a wide variety of semi-legal enterprises.
Oh, don't think that I haven't already considered that - though my specific goal was to open a cigar bar in Costa Rica.
I've also seriously considered opening a hybrid charity / gentlemen's club. The working name of said establishment is "Lapdances for Justice".
Is there any way to work part-time, and then you can compartmentalize the payment you get from your job from the warm fuzzy feelings of volunteering?
Maybe you should try Steve Martin's strategy for becoming a millionaire, then you could be independently wealthy and volunteer all you want! First step: get a million dollars...
The work I'm doing with Army would qualify as part time work. It also pays reasonably well, provided I go on assignments that require some travel. It's not exactly a path to riches, but it would probably earn me enough to get by.
The hard part is going to come at the end of the year when, if I want this to continue, I'll have to say, "Yes, I would like to leave my secure government job so that I can work for free most of the time, and try to pay bills by picking up a patchwork of short-term employment with the Reserves."
I've thought about trying my hand at consulting, but that seems like dumping fuel on the fire. "I know, I can't write a book and run an international charity, so instead I'll write a book, run a charity AND start a business! Genius!"
Oh, Steve Martin. That gives me an idea - I can ask people to give me money to help with my grandmamma's operation. After all, she was the one who taught me that it is better to be truthful and good, than to not.
I could see you more as the suave prince who needs money to finance the freedom fighters. Clearly you have options.
-- Lady Fanny.
Hmm... all viable options. And if none of them pan out, I can always try my hand at being a hobo. All I need is a cigar on a toothpick and a top hat with a hole punched through it.
Post a Comment
<< Home