Heyyyyyyy Crestees!
Crestees: Meet your doom.
Tonight is Golden Words' Cresting. What this means is that those deserving folk who have been writing for the paper for many, many, many weeks will get an opportunity to earn their Golden Words crest (which attaches neatly to the Queen's jacket) in exchange for suffering through a brutal / hilarious series of events.
Golden Words parties are always a good time. Good friends, and a lot of free booze. Oh, and there's always a theme. This time the theme is Golf Pros and Tennis Hos. Fantastic. And no, I will not be going as a Tennis Ho, despite the fact that more than a few GW guys are planning to go as such. Sorry. My Golf Pro costume is just too damned good to pass up.
So, what's the bottle with the Incan tribesman, then? Well, I've kept a fairly well stocked bar for a few years now. It makes for good parties, but it's really a pain in the ass to move. The solution? Pour every bottle that had <1 inch of booze into a single bottle full of Costa Rican Guaro (sugar cane moonshine) and save it for cresting night.
In conclusion: Heeeyyyyy Cresteeeees!
posted by Ryan @ 10:30 a.m.
14 comments
14 Comments:
I can still taste the vomit from my Cresting (which occurred in the spring of 2000).
As I recall (somewhat), I ended up passed out in Leonard Field, dressed like Han Solo. Also, I had a backpack on. This proved important, as once I pass out, I get brutal spins if I shift positions. Hence, when I finally made it home to Waldron, I had to wad something up and stuff it under my back, to exactly mimic being passed out with a backpack on, so that I could get back to sleep.
Your cresting was great. Having to eat a handful of olives from the Pita Pit and appologize to Stages for disrespecting the instition of Golden Words. Classic.
I also seem to remember either eating or wearing a cone of vanilla soft-serve from Dairy Queen. Probably both.
One might even say....I got serve'dd? Ahahahahaahhhhhh...no.
I think the meanest thing I've done to any of my Crestees was write "Cock in the Mouth" on Eve's forehead.... Or making Mark eat tomatoes even though I knew he hated them.
(My various Crestees can feel free to prove me wrong....)
I can't believe you're actually going to make them drink that stuff.
I think my favorite "memory" of cresting is when Yonek got sick in the middle of Division in front of all the squeegee kids, who promptly began laughing at him. To his credit, though, he didn't break stride.
This was followed by him bypassing the line at Dairy Queen, slapping both of his hands on the encounter, and, in a statement that likely smelled much of cheap rum said, "We need... the bottom... of... an ice cream cone." He was promptly given a full cone of ice cream.
JTL: "Make" is a harsh term, considering that cresting is an entirely voluntary procedure. They may not actually be drinking it. It may be added to the mythical "cresting juice" instead. (Drink it or wear it.) But, in following the principles of any good leader, I shall sample this bounty before it is dispensed to the crestees.
This is going to be great!
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Ain't nothing like a tornado concotion to spice up a party!
Mmmmm... mystery booze!
Ryan's head: Owieeeeeeeeeeeee.
(Hope everyone had a good cresting. Sorry I couldn't stay for all of it. I was passed out shortly after midnight, I think.)
I liked that time Dave Connor poured a giant steaming hot muddled and filthy Bubba's poutine straight down his pants, to avoid eating it.
Neil
Neil: "Eat it or wear it" were the options he was given. That man really meant it when he said No Poutine.
Erin: That doesn't surprise me, considering how much scotch was in there. Scotch, though delicious, does not make for very good eye drops.
For those of you not at the cresting, Jake went the way of Mike Beltzner, and will require another cresting to get the job done.
No. Jake just never made it to the basement from what I understand.
Indeed, it was Jake passing out that likens him to Mike Beltzner. As in the night that Justin Skinner came across a drunk Mike Beltzner and gave him a big cup of 151 proof rum, and told him it was water. Mike proceeded to pass out in a snow bank.
Also, I think that the brightly coloured cap that they put on toy guns so that they don't look like real guns (and potentially get someone arrested) should henceforth be known as "the Beltzner". Eh? Eh?
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