Discuss.
1.) In your opinion, what is the ideal arrangement for your typical heterosexual working couple? Do you believe that the man should have a higher paying job? Should it be about the same? Or should the woman make more? Or does it not matter? Should the person who makes more cover more of the expenses, or should it be split down the middle regardless?
2.) In an ideal world, how far would you be from work? Would you walk to work? Or do you like having work separated from your home life? Is a 10 minute car ride enough, or do you need 15 minutes to decompress? Would you work from home, given the chance? Or do you enjoy the social aspect of a work environment?
3.) Describe a place that has special meaning to you. It could be a walking path, a room in a friend's house, a favorite restaurant, etc., etc...
Anonymous or otherwise, answer some or all.
posted by Ryan @ 11:48 a.m.
7 comments
7 Comments:
Good Lord! That first one is a biggy.
1. I don't think there is such thing as an ideal arrangement. No the man shouldn't necessarily have a higher paying job - why? The relationship needs to honour what both bring to it, money or otherwise. I have always made pittance, but it doesn't mean I don't contribute to the relationship - I just do it in different ways. I think the person who makes the most money should pay for more of the expenses because if one makes far less money but is still responsible for half, that person has less buying power in the end and will most likely get bogged down with financial stresses, which will poison any relationship. Never discount the power money can have over a relationship. Most professionals will tell you it's the thing most couples argue about above any other issue, and many a couple will split because of it. This is why the non-monetary things each person brings into the relatioship need to be honoured and respected.
2. I would love to be able to walk to work, or an easy bike ride. I loath the idea of a commute, or living in suburbia so I can commute to the big city for work. A short (20 minutes to half an hour) bus ride is also acceptable - but not in this frickin' city. If I had a car, half an hour tops. Yes, I would love to work from home! I like the social aspect of a work environment, but I also want to be my own boss and set my own hours.
3. Victoria, BC. This is the first place I ever felt at home and this is where all my growing and maturing started, between the ages of 20 and 24. This is where I met my husband and thee of my best friends. Not to mention the fabulous climate...
1.) I don't think there is any one "ideal arrangement", but I do feel it is imperitive that there is some form of balance. Each person should be equally (at least approximately) committed to the success of a relationship, whether their contribution be financial or otherwise. I'm really not a big fan of the mentality of certain, shall we say "high-maintenance", girls who demand special treatment, as well as to be catered to financially. Guys can be just as bad - particularly in sloughing off duties related to raising kids. At the end of the day, balance is what's most important.
2.) I like driving. Ten to fifteen minutes gives me a bit of time to relax, and separate myself from my home environment. But it should be a decent route, preferably away from heavy traffic. I like the social atmosphere of work, as well. That said, I'd still love to be able to do, say, 1/3 of my work from home.
3.) Even having lived there for a full year, I'd still say the family cottage. It's just so beautiful, peaceful, and relaxing. Myself and my family spent each and every summer there, until I started work in grade 11. All of the memories I have of that place are good memories.
1. Bah... Balance is for whimps... FEED ME WOMAN!
Just kidding... Of course you're right. Balance is required in almost everything in life. Especially a healthy relationship.
2. Having been commuting via subway for the last 3 months, I have come to decide that I really like the subway. A half-hour (each way) on the train gives me a chance to read a few chapters of a book that I would otherwise not get around to reading at all. I think if I come back home soon, I'm gonna set up shop in Toronto and make use of the subway for work whenever possible.
3. The Morrow family cottage. Not a single bad memory from that place. It is the driving force behind my decision to fly all the way home to Ontario from Korea for a mere 2 weeks in August. It's gonna be a pretty expensive trip just to hang out at the cottage, but anyone who's ever been there knows that it's entirely worth it.
Hmmm.. and it appehars that sphelling is for mohrons.
WARNING: Politically incorrect opinions will shortly be expressed. Avert your eyes while scrolling past this if you are A. a feminist B. An angry feminist, and especially C. An angry feminist with a gun.
I believe women are being so exploited and short-changed in the corporate world that they might as well not even be there unless it's their life's ambition. In corporate settings, women are gently forced to become men with breasts. Why spend your life being an a**hole and bouncing off the glass ceiling like one of those vending-machine crazy balls?
A lot of women just want to stay home and be moms, stay home and be writers (like myself), or simply do volunteer work. They may work occasionally or part-time, but their lifestyle is focused on family and home life. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. THEY DO NOT OWE ANYONE AN APOLOGY. It's natural, it works, and it saves a fortune in day-care costs. Not many women could honestly say that they like to see their kids being raised by day-care workers.
Men have been primary bread-winners throughout this country's history. Women have contributed just as much in other ways and weren't paid for their efforts. That's OK with me. To me, it all comes down to choice. If a woman chooses to work (and I wouldn't recommend this to many mothers), that's her right and I wish her all the best. But if a woman mades the equally sensible decision to live at home, sharing her partner/spouse's income, I think we need to support that decision. There are so many volunteers needed everywhere, the woman wouldn't have to stop working. She would have simply taken herself out of direct competition with men, which has caused man and women misery for decades. The myth of the supermom who can balance a career, a posh home, a social life, an exercise regimen, and several children with ease is only a myth. Women pay a high price to doggedly pursue their chosen careers.
I'm not saying "Drop out of life", I'm trying to say "You don't have to mold yourself into the feminine ideal. You are free to make your own choices. If you and a partner decide to live off the earnings of one person, that's a valid choice that deserves respect. Housewives, volunteers, and stay-at-home moms are not the walking vegetables that feminists and "progressive" men characterize them to be.
Sorry this is so long. It's an important issue to me. I'm a "housewife", but I write, volunteer, take care of my stepchildren, cook meals from scratch every night, and read a bit of Proust now and again. I may be vegetative some days, but I'm definitely not a vegetable.
I walk everywhere. In the winter, public transport (bus, LRT) are tolerable, but nothing beats walking. Walking, I notice things that I would never see from a car. A few years ago I watched a robin catch and gobble down an entire worm - something I'd never seen in my life because I was usually in cars. Doesn't sound like much, I know, but for me the beauty's in the details. I also "mentally write" and chew over difficult problems while walking. Biking is awesome but it's difficult to bike in my city - hostile drivers, few bike-friendly trails.
Two winters ago I visited my grandparents' cabin in the woods and walked down the Lantern Trail, an old logging road flanked by the lushest, loftiest trees you'd see outside of B.C. and the Pacific Northwest. At the end of the trail - a small river, mounds of snow, and that perfect snow-silence you can experience only on the quietest day. I sat in a deep, soft throne of snow and listened to the last unfrozen water of the river trickling past me. This, to me, was heaven.
But holding my feet up to an old-fashioned barrel stove after sitting in snow for an hour is pretty close to heaven, too.
As the old growth of the Lantern Trail has been logged clean, these images now only exist in my head.
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