How to Deal with Large, Faceless Corporations

I've had a lot of dealings with faceless corporations over the years. I've had broken laptops, broken televisions, cancelled flights, stolen credit cards, etc., etc. Some companies are good, and some are bad. All have a system that can be worked for maximum benefit, should you have the knowledge necessary to play the game right.

Here are the rules, near as I've gathered:

1.) Save everything. Save your receipt. Save your warranty. Save your cardholder agreement for your credit card. Save your bank statements. Save you credit card bills. This is what we will later refer to as "ammunition."

2.) Ask about the details. Sure, they may be willing to replace your product three years later, but how long may it end up sitting in the shop for? Once you've heard a promise, get it in writing. Also, get your salesperson's name and employee ID number if it's a particularly large purchase. Whatever you do, don't forget to get the contact number that you should use in case something goes wrong.

3.) Enjoy your product (VCR, DVD, computer, flight, etc.) until something goes horribly wrong. And it will go horribly wrong.

4.) At this point, collect your ammunition. You should have your original receipt and the terms of your warranty in hand. Before you go in to the place to return something, call first and make sure that they agree with what they're supposed to do, and the paperwork that they'll require to get the job done. This way, you'll be less likely to want to throw something in the store, and possibly end up getting arrested.

5.) Put yourself in contact with the person who can help you. This could require a visit to the store if it's a physical device, or a phone call if it's a more ethereal product such as a credit card, airline ticket, or car rental. Be polite, and state your problem clearly (make advance notes if you need to).

6.) Take notes. If they make promises, write them down. Record the time of the interaction, and what was accomplished. If they say that someone will get back to you, ask for your case number. If they sound particularly incompetent, ask for their name and employee ID number.

7.) If your problem is successfully solved, file away all your paperwork (in case there's another problem with the same product) and pat yourself on the back. If not, then prepare for an extended battle.

8.) Call back, and see if someone else can help you. The odds of you getting the same Customer Service Representative (or some derivation of the name) are exceptionally remote. Start things over from scratch, and see if they aren't more helpful. Again, document everything. Time, date, name, promises, expectations, and results should all be recorded.

9.) If you're still not satisfied, ask to speak to the employee's manager. They won't like it, but they should put the manager on for you. If they don't, you have their name and ID number and you can probably find some way to contact their manager directly. With a bit of luck, you will eventually get a chance to speak to the manager.

10.) Speak to the manager. At this point, you can stop being quite so polite, and get a little indignant. Explain that you're not mad with them, but that the situation is ridiculous, and needs to be resolved. Suggest a reasonable compromise, and describe the consequences if you aren't able to fix things. "My friends know that I [buy computers/fly places/play videogames], and the next time they ask me, I'm going to tell them to avoid your company." They may play ball, they may not.

11.) Take it as far as you can, until they either give in or you give up. If you have the time (and the requisite lack of shame) you can even wear a sandwich board outside of their business, decrying their poor policies. Or, you can write numerous angry blog posts about them. The choice is yours.

For the record, here are the companies on my bad list:
- Creative Labs
- Future Shop
- Thrifty Car Rental
- US Airways
- America West

I hope you found this informative. If any of you have any suggestions to add, please post a comment.