Procrastination
This is the point where I realize that it's probably a good thing that I didn't get into grad school.
It's ten past one now. I got to the library at noon, and I still haven't so much as unzipped my backpack. This is the level to which my procrastination has risen.
In psychology, the term is "satisficing". This means that people tend to do the amount of work that will result in the achievement of their goals, but no more. I have already graduated, and am taking a course that is a requirement for a program that I did not get into. At this point, my effort is (largely) geared towards getting any mark that exceeds a 60%. This will be enough to have half of my course covered by the government, through work.
There's a question that I've been asking more and more. What do I want to do with my life? What kind of work do I enjoy? I certainly have options. I could start my own business, write a novel or take one of many other paths. I chose the government path because I feel that I'm good at what I do, and it's meaningful. It may not always be the most exciting job in the world, but the work is satisfying and can be quite interesting.
The downside is that it's a very small field. There are only so many agencies that are looking for people, and once you've applied to all of them and go for a while without hearing anything, it starts get a little bit discouraging.
I really need to learn French.
posted by Ryan @ 1:08 p.m.
3 comments
3 Comments:
Yeah, French would definitely have been a boon for me, upon arriving in Ottawa. It's a lot of work to become as bilingual as some of the jobs in government require you to be, though, which is discouraging.
You're young, and I wouldn't get caught up it trying to so hard to find that one thing. I've just retrained, and pushing 31, and still really don't know what I want to do. There is so much push, I find, for (especially young academic-types like yourself) to find that magical "one thing" that is going to fulfill you for the rest of your life. Why can't we be multi-faceted and do a whole bunch of things? Why can't I be a novelist and a pastry chef and whatever else I'm interested in? (Maybe this gets back to your question about how many hours would be ideal in a day.) Conversely, there is also the reality in this day and age that most people are going to have more than one career in their lifetime. I find the mixed messages in this disconcerting: on the one hand "find yourself"; on the other, "you'll be finding yourself until middle age".
My advice: do what makes you feel alive in the moment you're living in. If something satisfies you now, do it until it no longer satisfies you. Don't get caught up searching for the perfect option, because it doesn't really exist.
Lecture over.
French... or Korean would be a boon for the type of work you want! ;)
It doesn't help that I did the practice exam and got a 75, despite not having any real idea what was going on for certain chapters. I require fear in order to motivate me to study, and the fear just isn't coming this time around. Riz: Still putting off that assignment?
I've gone through a number of different ideas of what I want to do. It helps that I have time to explore my options, but I do want to delve forward in my field. I know for a fact I'll be switching up between a few different jobs over the years, but I know that I want to stay in this trade.
At this point, I think the best thing for me is to go through the slog. Work my ass off. Apply to dozens, if not hundreds, of job opportunities. Learn French, even though it's difficult and frustrating. I can still take time to play, have fun, drink beer, and go swimming on weekends.
I have a unique opportunity, in that there aren't the same pressures for me to find a job to pay the bills. I don't have to rush off to work and worry that they're going to cut off my electricity.
This does take a bit of the challenge (and some of the fun) out of working. But at the same point, I feel that this means that I should pick my job for other reasons than money or simply what I enjoy doing. I should find a good mix of money, enjoyment and meaning. I'm not in any particular rush, but that doesn't mean it's going to be any less of a slog.
I applied for another job today. Progress is being made.
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